Eternal Arousal
(Page 3)
DISCOVERING EACH OTHER
“For mankind the greatest manifestation of Divine Grace is woman…”
--Ibn Arabi (16th century Andalusian Sufi)
Sex can be perceived as an event of convergence on multiple levels. Not only is it typically a unification of two individuals, but it also draws together many dichotomies. The Masculine/Feminine; the Sacred/Profane; the Spiritual/Physical; the Animalistic/Angelic; the visceral/ethereal and so on. The bringing together of opposite forces into harmony is expressed in Taoism with the symbol of Yin and Yang. One of the esoteric meanings of the Seal of Solomon (commonly called “the Star of David”) is that it symbolizes the convergence of the masculine and feminine forces, represented by an ascending triangle (“masculine”) and a descending triangle (“feminine”).
I’ve heard sex described as the ‘selfish giving’, meaning that in sexuality, the more you give, the more you get. The French call it Le Petite Morte, “the Little Death.” I’ve also seen it poetically described as the “Moment we temporarily become God.” For such reasons, I feel that sex is an act of inspiration. The spontaneous discoveries and insights that you experience in an intimate encounter can inform, enrich and expand the other aspects of your life.
Perhaps the most powerful (-and empowering) aspect of a deep sexual connection is Presence. When you find yourself with someone, truly BE with that someone. Anxiety (the biggest obstacle in sexual performance) is a condition of not being in the Moment. It is difficult to be at ease when the worries of the world are crowded up in your cranium. The key to letting go of anxiety and calming your mind is the breath. Fortunately, sexuality is particularly geared to bringing one together with ones own breathing, thus bringing the lovers more deeply into the Moment.
THE RHYTHM OF ASCENSION
Because so much of sexuality is based on rhythmic movement, the pacing can be unified with the tempo of your breathing. It is well known that focusing your consciousness on your breath is the most immediate way to bring the mind into focus and Presence (-it is the basis of meditation). When the act of intercourse is initiated slowly and tenderly, let it fall into gear with the rhythm of regular breathing. As excitement grows, your pacing naturally increases. Rhythm is the key to falling into a trance state. Let yourself be taken deeper into this state. In this steady climb in speed and intensity, the breathing of your partner unifies with your own. You become like two wings elevating your unified soul in it’s ascension into ecstasy.
EMF’s: LOVE CAN CERTAINLY BE BLIND
One of the more subtle sensations that is shared between people is the blending of their electromagnetic fields, or EMF’s. This is the energy, or aura, that emanates from each of us. We actually exist in what can be described as a sea of electromagnetic energies. The quality of these energies differ. The most attractive energies emanate from other living beings, and the strongest attraction is between members the opposite sex. The most purifying and stabilizing EMF’s are the energies of individuals we’ve become comfortable and attuned to (-meaning, those whom we’ve come to trust and love).
A fun little game can prove this theory: Have your lover close her eyes. Hold your hand a few inches from her body and ask her to sense where your hand is. Move it slowly, hovering over the landscape of her form. Let her tune in and tell you what she feels. Switch. You try it. It might take practice or a few tries, but every time I’ve played this game, I’ve felt something. You may be surprised to find that when the mind is relaxed and attuned, you can actually have a distinct sense of another persons aura. In the act of making love, this energy is intensified and at the moment of climax, the field can unify into one powerful sphere of energy. In essence, the two individuals become as One.
THE MANGO LESSON
This goes back to my childhood. My uncles took me out back for the ‘Mango Talk.’ Y’see, Americans give their kids that “Birds and Bees” talk. Filipinos give their boys the “Mango Talk.” When my extended family started seeing that I was noticing girls, it was that time. Two of my uncles, fresh off the boat from the islands, took me outside with a mango.
“Leesen carepuly, my nepew,” Uncle Romy said in a tone an octave and a half lower than normal, “Yoo must learn how to make a woman happy.”
“-Yep!” Uncle Titoy chimed in, “-Second to handling a knipe, dees is the most important ting yoo must know as a Pilipino man.”
Uncle Titoy pulled out his bad-assed butterfly knife: shaklinkklinkklink! He flipped the blade open in an impressive display of casual skill and proceeded to cut the mango in half. He gave me one half and the other he gave to Uncle Romy.
“Now, we want to show yoo someting: a girls ‘peck-peck’ you know…”
Uncle Titoy was chuckling. Uncle Romy flashed him a stern look, then continued, “… a girls ‘peck-peck’ is a lot like dees mango…” He pointed to my half of the mango.
“Ip she is happy por yoo, she is joocy like de mango.”
He proceeded to eat his half and instructed me to do the same. Uncle Titoy was still stifling his giggling.
“Gibe her some nice licks, like dees…”
He proceeded to run his extended tongue up and down the length of his half. I followed suit. “Now, dees ees bery, bery important! Up at de top ob de ‘peck-peck’ es a ‘grape’…”
Uncle Titoy put both hands over his mouth, his eyes squinted shut as he choked on his laughter. “Dees ‘grape’; ip yoo lick and suck on dees, de mango gets eben more joocy!”
He squeezed his half-mango for effect. The juices were running down his forearm. I squeezed mine and made a mess. I slurped up the sticky nectar that had pooled in the palm of my hand. “MMMmmmm! -tastes so good! Eh?”
I nodded my head, hardly understanding the humor that my Uncles were getting from this, but still, I was happy that they were happy. Happy that they were spending this time with me.
“OK… now, remember: yoo are peenished only when she is happy and smiley.”
He paused and looked at Uncle Titoy, smiled, then brought his fingers up to his mouth.
“And when yoo are all peenished…”
He started to pick his teeth with his pinky nail, “… You can pull de hairs prom yur teeth!”
Then they both busted up into uncontrolled laughter.
I didn’t get it back then. But I do remember picking the fiber of the mango fruit from my own teeth…
Yeah, sure, this “Mango Story” tradition is a chance for the older Filipino men to get a laugh out of the younger boys, but I think that there is a real point to the Mango Story. I think it teaches a young male that it’s important to please a woman. I’ve heard so many men speak of a woman’s sexual parts with repugnance. Some even declaring that they never “go downtown.” They use ugly metaphors like “Fish,” or “Roast Beef Sandwich,” or “Bearded Clam.” I feel so sorry for these chumps. I’ve always had the image of a sweet, juicy, luscious mango in my mind. It’s no problem for a Filipino man to “travel south” (at least those who’ve had the “Mango Talk”).
The metaphor of a mango is pleasant but the reality is even better. Because when a man gives his woman a good measure of pleasure, he is treated to something even sweeter than a mango: he is treated to a very happy and pleased woman, "...there really is nothing sweeter (or more gracious!) than a woman satisfied.".
SEX OR COMBAT?
I hope that I’ve presented a few insights on attaining new levels of pleasure. My journey ain’t finished yet. I still feel that there are new and deeper levels of pleasure to discover. What it is that I’m really after is what I believe we all are actually looking for: the illuminating (-and frequently elusive) MOMENT. Prayer, meditation, art, poetry, dancing, even sports are all pathways that bring the mind into focus, into connection, and into the moment. I can remember one of my martial arts teacher saying, “Nothing brings you into the moment better than combat.” I could see his point. There’s nothing like the danger of being smacked upside the head to snap you into alertness, but I want to put a bid in for sex.
In combat, it’s fear that forces the mind into immediate focus. But in the alchemical mix of sexuality and spiritual awareness, the moment becomes illuminated in ecstatic joy instead of fear. Even though it might be argued that we can slip away from where we are and who we’re with when we are engaged in sex (esp. in the Freudian sense), I think that sex, when embraced and recognized for it’s sacred and exhilarating qualities, not only brings us into the moment, it gives us a deeper sense to life and a loving appreciation of the moment.
Perhaps coming to this awareness takes some effort, but it’s a pleasurable effort, and well worth it. It’s learning to trust and give yourself over completely, to let yourself be absorbed into another human being, into the moment, into the expansive and Divine Reality that is Love.
Poet, performance artist, activist and advocate, R. Reza-Khaliq (Gonzaga) teaches creative writing, spoken word and self-empowerment to the youth of disadvantaged communities. He has represented San Francisco for three years at the National Poetry Slam Championships. He is a masseur, a martial artist and has been a devotee of the Sufi path for over nine years. This year he was awarded the City's Certificate of Honor, and May 10th was officially declared a day in his honor by Mayor Willie Brown. He is working on his first novel, Phallus: A Delusion of Manhood. He may be emailed at wordflip@yahoo.com.
