Eternal Arousal
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UNDRESS REHEARSAL
I’m certainly not saying that masturbation or pornography are bad. There is good porn (like the flicks directed by Andrew Blake, Michael Ninn or Candida Royale) and there is bad porn (-like most of the shit out there). Likewise, there’s good masturbation and bad masturbation. What I’m trying to say is that we need to be aware of this conditioning factor and we should not let this limit our understanding and enjoyment of sexuality. Masturbation is like an “Undress Rehearsal” -sort of like practicing and familiarizing ourselves in play to ready ourselves for our real intimate encounters. Just like in theater, how well we rehearse will determine how well we perform, and we have many techniques and methods at our disposal.
I like to make time and take time for my ‘undress rehearsal’. The more familiar with my body I get, the more I command my sexual response. Learn to take your time. There is no rush in masturbation because there will be no rush in actual intercourse. I try take at least an hour to play with myself.
In these solo sessions, I like to work with different techniques. Switching hands is one suggestion (I can remember comedian Jackie Martlin saying, “It’s like sleeping with another woman…”). Using both hands is a lot of fun. This imitates the feeling of a deep penetration. There’s the technique of just stroking the head using the thumb and forefinger, replicating the sensation of shallow, G-spot thrusting. Stimulating your scrotum, testicles, nipples and anus can strengthen your arousal. Penetrating yourself and stimulating your prostate gland while stroking your shaft can be a remarkable experience. This significantly strengthens the intensity of your orgasms. But be careful: the surface up there can be fragile!
ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET: BACK OFF BEFORE FIRECRACKER GO BANG!!!
In Taoist texts there is a theory that an ejaculation actually depletes ones life energy, or chi. You might think that this would mean that the Chinese would shun sexual intercourse, but nothing could be farther from the truth (especially considering the fact that the Chinese are quite impressive when it comes to procreation).
Among the many things they’ve figured out, the Taoists have refined the act of sex to prolong and intensify the level of pleasure. One of the main methods of learning how to control ones ejaculatory reflex is in masturbation: First, work yourself up almost to ejaculation, then back off, then build back up again and back off again, repeat again, and again… This kind of stimulation conditions us to prolong the pleasure and it teaches us to build up to even more powerful orgasms. When this ‘pleasing teasing’ method is utilized in actual intercourse, women report feeling a deep appreciation for this extended intensity.
“THE MOJO STICK” : AN AFRICAN WAY OF CONSECUTIVE PLEASURE
There really is no limit to the amount of pleasure we can experience if we recondition our responses and open our expectations. Perhaps the opposite to the Taoist manner and approach is the Afro-Arab approach to the orgasm. Where the Taoist philosophy tends towards the retention and conservation of ejaculation, the Afro-Arab approach is to ejaculate as frequently as possible before losing erection. Unlike what we see in porn, arousal does not need to stop after your first orgasm, you can continue on to another ejaculation. As with the Taoist method, this one calls for a change in our masturbation routine. Go ahead and stroke to ejaculation as you normally would, then, just after the sensitivity has subsided (and while maintaining your erection), immediately resume your stroking and work yourself to another orgasm.
I was informed of this technique by a group of gentlemen from West Africa. They told me that when a man learns how to make love in this continuous fashion “-Your woman will sing in pleasure and praise.” (Ah, those Africans!). I will attest to the fact that you really can have consecutive ejaculations if you recondition yourself. This is good news for men who tend to ejaculate prematurely. You don’t have to permit the pleasure to end in a ‘quick-shot’. Teach yourself how to continue, for your own sake as well as hers. And even if your erection is momentarily lost, there’s no reason to cease your intimate contact.
Contrary to some peoples limited thinking, erections truly are one of Earth’s renewable resources. And just like in nature, you can’t force a tree to grow any faster than it will.
‘MASTURBATION MEMOIRS’ --OR: THE JOY OF KEEPING YOUR VERY OWN JACK-OFF JOURNAL
I had the opportunity of having a very unorthodox writing teacher in college (-does it show?). Her name was Kathy Acker. She once gave us a rather peculiar assignment. She told us to keep a masturbation journal. She wanted us to write down, frankly and explicitly, our masturbation fantasies. “What sexually excites you is a clue to the deeper parts of consciousness, desires and language.” -She didn’t read each of our fantasies. She respected our privacy, but she wanted us to be aware of our fantasies as a source of inspiration.
(Just a side note: At the end of the semester, she wanted to know if we wrote our masturbation journals. She quickly flipped through the pages of each of our notebooks, not reading them, only checking to see if there was writing in them. When I gave her mine, she couldn’t flip the pages… I had pasted them together! She didn’t get the joke at first, but when disgusting prank dawned on her she burst out laughing and flung the wire-bound notebook back at me!)
Beyond physical technique, there should also be attention to what sort of images and sensations your masturbation fantasies bring. Being in touch with your internalized mental response is key to knowing what it takes to bring you joy. Knowing what you want is crucial in getting what you want, and openly communicating this is an important element in relating with your partner.
Sharing each others fantasies and desires are not only substantial tools in relating to one another, but it may also bring you the powerful insights that are particular to deeper levels of intimacy. Not only will this help in sharing with your partner, but it will help you get in deeper touch with yourself. Of course, jealousy and insecurity may be obstacles to this sort of open expression. But if you and your partner can balance this with the essential expression of your deep appreciation of one other, this potent tool of self-discovery can help each of you grow a great deal.
“I’LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS!”
Mutual masturbation is a terrific way of getting to know one another's sexual responses. Watching your lovers play with themselves is a great way to see what pace and timing it takes to whip them up into and orgasmic frenzy. Our sexual responses can be as individual as our fingerprints. By taking mental notes of your partners particulars and pacing, you get a much better idea of what it takes to bring her pleasure. She also gets the chance to glance at what it takes to keep your fire stoked and bring you to your point of no return.
You might be surprised at how sexually exciting it is to watch and be watched. Playing both intimate voyeur and exhibitionist can be exhilarating. Think of it as a way of showing each other your musical scores and abilities so you can have a good idea of what it will take to harmonize your parts.
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