Eternal Arousal
A Post-Modern Troubadour's Journey
“It’s so simple, Arty,” she said; “the best aphrodisiac and the greatest depressant are all up here,” she pointed to her head…
Celebrated Filipino author, F. Sionil Jose, penned the short story Arbol de Fuego (1985). Written in the English language, he tells the story of a wealthy, middle-aged Manila businessman, Arturo de Leon, and the tortured love affair with his sassy , street-smart, sexually liberated, and much younger mistress, Lorna. In an effort to ‘keep up’ with the vivacious Lorna, Arturo resorts to western pharmaceuticals and Chinese herbal aphrodisiacs. None of these ‘cures’, eastern or western, were of any help.
As the insightful Lorna points out to her mature lover; the problem was not a dysfunction of his loins, but of the conflict in his mind. Arturo’s self-conscious, ‘old-fashioned’ way of thinking prevented him from being able to perform sexually. The only resolution in the story comes when his relationship with the young Lorna is significantly shifted.
In my own sexual experiences, I have found that I’ve had to make several shifts of paradigm. What worked for me years ago will not work for me now. This is not due to physical dysfunction or a lack of libido. On the contrary; I have experienced a deepening of my sexuality, and now, I can’t really engage in the shallow type of encounters I used to enjoy. It’s like trying to go back to kindergarten after graduating from college.
I grew up impoverished and in the projects. At the young age of twelve, the only father figure I had was a small time pimp and hustler from Harlem. I witnessed and learned a lot from this guy, but I had never seen him grow as an individual. As I matured, I learned that his basic disrespect towards women was the very thing that was limiting him. I had to disregard these debilitating lessons of degradation. I started to seek a way of life more attuned to my spiritual nature.
The first thing I sought to do was to change this polluted outlook on women. I found my cure in poetry. I emulated the old ways of the Troubadour: Exhaling the sanctity and beauty of Womanhood and upholding the virtues of Romantic Love. It was the beginning of a tremendous journey. My sexual and romantic voyage had brought me to the strange shores of many worlds. I had become devoted to joys of erotic love.
Of the many things I’ve experienced, there is just one thing I’ve learned: The pathways to higher and more satisfying feelings of ecstasy are opened by way of giving myself over to the complete joy of the encounter.
SHAME! SHAME! SHAME ON YOU!!!
One huge obstacle in the way of sexual fulfillment is shame. It is unfortunate that the source of our shame comes from religion. Religion is the plumb-line of tradition and grace. It is from religious tradition that we preserve the words and deeds of our most spiritually enlightened teachers. Rather than reject the religious or spiritual realm altogether, it may help to expand ones understanding by looking beyond the limits of Judeo-Christian belief.
The Judeo-Christian view of sexuality is notoriously repressive. Ideas such as “Original Sin” and “Immaculate Conception” are crippling to the psyche and they destroy the integrity of our being. This conditioning of shame has kept us from actualizing the power of our sexuality. Ironically, overcoming this sense of shame can be an enlightening experience in itself. For many of us, learning to leap past this condition of shame is a sort of initiation into a world view far more vast than the limits of our internalized restraints. It becomes an ecstatic liberation from the childhood of unquestioned faith and dogma.
There are numerous books, tapes and workshops on the subject of Sexual Tantra and this awareness is reshaping our attitudes towards sexuality, our bodies, and our relationships. More and more, we are seeing sexuality as a viable pathway to higher states of consciousness. Indeed, in Tantra, sexual union is a most beautiful and sublime form of prayer and a legitimate path to actualization and enlightenment.
The Islamic Sufi understanding of life serves us an antidote to this idea of “Original Sin”. While Islam puts formal restrictions on adultery and fornication, it also reputed the idea of being born tainted with the sin of sexual desire. Sexuality is not only seen as positive in Islam, but necessary. The prophet Muhammad (peacebeuponhim) proclaimed “There is no asceticism in Islam.” Islam goes a further step in sanctifying sexuality in the Holy Qur’an where Paradise is allegorically depicted as a garden of sensual delight.
Many Sufi masters, such as Rumi and Ibn Arabi, have taught that sexuality is one of the greatest gifts to humanity and a chief means of spiritual actualization. Sharif Qaysari of 17th century Persia wrote: “This is why the Prophet loved women -because of the perfection of witnessing the Real within them (Al Haqq: “the Real” -one of Allah’s divine names)…The witnessing of the Real in women is the greatest and most perfect witnessing.”
MASTURBATION: “SHOULD BE TAUGHT IN SCHOOL”
“Do not worry if you catch a young man in an indecent act. It only means that he is growing his feathers. What you should worry about is when a young man does not do such things, who leaves the nest without feathers!”
-Jalauddin Rumi
Former United States Surgeon General, Dr. Jocelyn Elders, was lambasted by a conservative congress for saying that masturbation is a natural thing and that students should be taught about it in the schools. She spoke of this before the United Nations: “There are probably very few people talking about masturbation and we should be talking about masturbation. It’s a normal part of human sexuality. 90 per cent of men masturbate; 80 per cent of women masturbate. And the rest lie.” After she gave that speech, she was forced to resign as Surgeon General. This shows that despite the fact that everyone is getting more ‘in touch with themselves’ -the conservatives are getting further out of touch with reality.
But despite the resistance of a repressed government and culture, masturbation is obviously one of Americans favorite activities. Pornography sales are up, vibrator and dildo sales are up, and I’m sure that Kleenex sales ain’t doing bad -and this is good! It means that a lot of us don’t dwell in the shadows of unthinking repression, and it means that most of us have learned that sheets are much more fun to play on, instead of wearing to stupid night time cross burnings.
THE JOYS AND LIMITS OF VICARIOUS SEX
It is in the realm of imagination that we work out a lot of our sexual aspirations. This makes masturbation a bit more important than we may have thought in shaping our sexual responses. Most of us make use of pornography as an ‘Imaginal aid’. Like our favorite action movie stars or athletes, we tend to live vicariously through this mediated experience. This is not really a negative thing. We get the chance play out a variety of situations we might not get to enjoy in real life. We get to fantasize about wild encounters, various body types, other races, threesomes, foursomes, moresomes… the options seem to be limitless.
But I want you to consider the fact that most porn is otherwise limited in its regard for sexuality. The worst part is that it conditions men to respond to a limited routine of sexual activity. The main reason for this is because pornography is market driven. It’s very telling that the ejaculation is called the “money shot.” The structure of porn is centered around this ‘payload’, that is to say, the focus is typically the satisfaction of the male.
Don’t get me wrong, porn is great to get us through the dry spells and it may even be useful in ‘jump-starting’ the libido, but consider how much this routine effects our sexual responses. The more we masturbate to this fast food fantasy, the more we are conditioned to respond in a correspondingly shallow manner. We internalize this limited routine. We lessen the expansive quality and authenticity of our real sex life.
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